


The Hippie and The Witch

by loud_daydreams



Series: Honey-Pye [1]
Category: The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:22:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25688776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loud_daydreams/pseuds/loud_daydreams
Summary: Just a self insert fic where I ship my oc with Neil Pye...Sorry to the TYO fandom in advance. Only two episodes are mentioned ("Interesting" [s01e05] and "Summer Holiday" [s02e06]) and the rest of the fic takes place in 1983, 1985-1988.Slight Rivyan tones but idk if they're fairly obvious or not. Also Mike might seem a bit OOC, sorry about that as well.
Relationships: Neil Wheedon Watkins Pye/Original Female Character, slight Vyvyan Basterd/Rick (Young Ones)
Series: Honey-Pye [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854730
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	1. Student Party

**Author's Note:**

> I can't remember where I read this, but Neil has two hippie friends who genuinely have names I guess.  
> The first one is Warlock, he's the fat one with the long curly hair that gives Neil the bong in "Interesting", and answers the door of the house that cop Neil(tm) has to "bust" in "Cash". The second is the female hippie that talks to Neil in "Cash", her name is Stonehenge. I did not name them.

It all started at the pubs. A few rowdey punks had drunkenly screamed about a party on Codrington Road, and the next thing the inhabitants of the house knew, an ocean of people had crashed through their front door. Kailee looked around the house nervously, she had lost her own roommates in the sea of people and had no idea what to do next. Honestly, she figured she might as well just turn around and walk herself home. It was a freezing December night and she had class in the morning, what she needed was her nice warm bed, not a complete stranger’s home.

Alas, due to her slightly irrational fear of being kidnapped, she stayed for a few hours. She thought that maybe she could find her friends or at the very least enjoy her first party. It was just like any party you’d see on tv, aside from the man dressed as Santa that came through the chimney, and Kailee quickly grew bored of the drunken British kids. After a few hours she finally got up to leave. She still couldn’t find her roommates, and that fear came gnawing at her again, but really her only issue was the three punks in the front doorway. A tall man in a yellow vest had appeared and the three punks crowded him. Kailee could barely hear the blonde punk over the music, but she could make out “Should we beat you up?”

The man in the yellow vest looked at all three punks confused before he was punched in the back. He fell to the floor and the blonde screamed “Kill the hippie!” This caused an all out brawl to begin. Kailee ran towards the group of four by the door just as the punks started kicking the hippie unconscious. She heard someone scream for the fighting to stop, but no one listened. She grabbed the smallest punk by his vest, which caused her to be pushed back. She took a deep, panicked breath and shrieked “Leave him the hell alone!” This caused the entire room to freeze. Seeing an opportunity, Kailee lunged at the hippie just as he began to wake up. “Hey,” Kailee whispered to the hippie. “You’re going to be okay, alright?”

“Who the bloody hell do you think you are?!” A bald punk screamed, stomping towards the pair. “What gives you the right to yell at my friends?” 

Kailee stood, the bald punk was about five or so inches taller, but she had enough adrenaline coursing through her veins to ignore the intimidation in her gut. She noted that all of the punks had stars embedded into their foreheads before she snapped “The same damn right they have to beat this poor kid senseless over nothing!”

“Oh, please! It’s just Neil!”  
“So you know him?”  
The punk with four stars scoffed. “Yes, unfortunately I live with him!”  
Kailee’s face darkened as she snarled “So you’d really let him get beat unconscious like that? Are you kidding me? I don’t think I should leave him here with you then, asshole.”

“My room’s upstairs.” Neil weakly muttered. He tried to get up and Kailee held onto him for support. The punk with four stars started screaming again, but Kailee ignored him and helped Neil up the stairs. Not a word was spoken between the two of them until Neil sat down onto his bed. Kailee noted a giant and colorful flower painted on the wall, as well as other scribbly illustrations.  
“Did you make those? On the wall?” Neil nodded with a nervous smile and muttered “I also painted the wall behind you, as well.”

Kailee turned with a gasp. “Is that your astrological chart?” Neil looked startled. He’d never met someone--aside from Stonehenge, Warlock, and their friends--who showed even the slightest bit of interest in his star chart. Kailee smiled brightly and began to ramble. “My sun is the cusp of Gemini and Cancer, my moon is Gemini, and I can’t remember all of my planets off the top of my head but I do know that my mars is Aries.” Neil felt overwhelmingly anxious suddenly. First there’s a nice, pretty girl who saved him, then she’s in his room, now she’s smiling and discussing astrological signs with him? This was heavy. Completely unplanned. Nothing like this ever happened to him, what was he supposed to do?

“Why do you know all of that?” He questioned. It came out a bit more rude than he would’ve wanted, but it was too late now. Neil was too busy mentally scolding himself to even notice that Kailee had sat on the very edge of his bed. “Well, when I lived in America, I had a few friends with...similar interests. But they quickly fell off the bandwagon and left me to practice my craft on my own.”  
“Your craft?”  
“Oh! Sorry. I’m a witch.”  
“A witch! Like, with magical potions and wands and flying brooms?”  
Kailee giggled and shrugged. “Kind of? But the potions and wands are more for certain energies and my brooms don’t fly.”  
“That’s amazing!” Neil shouted. The poor hippie nearly had stars in his eyes as Kailee laughed at his enthusiasm. Similarly to Neil not being used to people fawning over his star chart, Kailee wasn’t used to people being particularly excited over her beliefs. 

The two talked until the sun came up, which prompted Kailee to hiss out a string of curses and mutter on about how she’d be late for class. Neil looked out at the rising sun with a shrug. “Just don’t go today. The guys and I never go to class and we’re doing just fine.”

“If being stuck in a house that smells like it’s rotting is your definition of “fine”, then I pity you poor boys. Clean up after yourselves! You’re all grown men!” Kailee snapped a tad harsher than she would’ve liked, before rising from the bed to leave. 

Neil’s hand shot out to grab her wrist. The witch stared at the hippie for a moment before Neil stammered “It’s just--well, um, what if I want to see you again?”  
“Got a pen and a paper?”  
“Yeah, why?”  
“To give you my phone number, silly! I have two different lectures that’ll keep me busy until noon, and then I’ll have to go into work from two until six, so either call at one or anytime after six-thirty, okay?”  
“Yeah, alright.” Neil dug around in his bedside drawer until he found an old scrap paper and a pen.  
“And I live with two other girls, so if one of them answers first just say you’re looking for me and they shouldn’t give you too much trouble.”

Kailee then issued a rushed goodbye, wrote down her number while reminding Neil to check up on his bruises and such from time to time, and rushed out of the house on Codrington Road. Neil stared at the numbers on his scrap paper. He’d never gotten a girl’s number before, he was too shy and awkward to ask for them and the girls he liked thought he was too lanky and weird to even strike up a conversation with him anyways. The hippie smiled softly to himself and tucked the paper away for later. He started rehearsing the phone call in his head before slowly drifting off to sleep. He didn’t even try to fight it this time, his eyes got heavy, he sighed deeply, and fell right to sleep.


	2. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the summer of 1983.  
> Neil and Kailee have known each other for about seven months and the boys bully him into asking her out on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I'm just so creative when coming up with chapter titles. Look at me go.  
> Let me know what you all think, my anxiety's doing the thing where I start to worry about my writing structure too much and think the entire chapter's shit. I'm still proud of this one though, so enjoy!

The Young Ones all sat at their kitchen table for breakfast when Vyvyan cleared his throat and stood from his seat. “Neil,” the punk started, his chest puffed out proudly. “There comes a time in every man’s life where there’s at least one bird involved. Now, this bird of yours, she’s very… well, interesting I suppose, and we honestly have no idea why she’d bother spending as much time with you as she does, but Mike and I-”  
“-and me!” Rick sneered.  
“-think it’s about time you ask her out on a date.” Vyvyan took a seat at the kitchen table where Mike gave a gentle golf clap.  
“Couldn’t have said it better myself, Vyv.”  
“But you told me what to say, Mike.”  
“Exactly.”

Neil heard none of this, in fact, at the word “date” his mind blanked completely. He’d never asked anyone out on a date before, hell, he didn’t even know people who went on dates. Well, maybe Stonehenge and Warlock do, but they’re normally in the clouds just by being in the same room for five minutes, and that didn’t sound like a date Kailee would want to be on. Yeah, Kailee’s idea of a date was probably fancy dinners or going out to dance, two things Neil neither cared nor could afford to do. He couldn’t dance, and the etiquette classes he took in his youth are far too much of a blur to remember, so why bother? Even if he could do either of those things, he doubted Kailee would say yes. She was far too busy with school and work, and Neil knew he had feelings for her, she just probably didn’t have the same type of feelings for him.

A plate being smashed over Rick’s head snapped him out of his thoughts. Mike was in the middle of saying something, but Vyvyan let out a sharp bark-like laugh that caused Neil to internally cringe. Mike paused with a frown and Neil could’ve sworn he saw his eyes roll behind his dark sunglasses. Rick’s head laid on the table, clearly knocked out for the time being, and Vyvyan continued to laugh harshly until Mike cleared his throat.

"As I was saying," Mike chirped. "We’ll all leave the house so you two can be alone, you work your, um, Pye Charm, and let the magic happen.”  
“I’m not trying to shag her, Mike.” Neil’s face turned red. “And I’m not asking her out.”  
“What’s the point of a date if you don’t--wait, you won’t ask her out? Why not?!” Mike’s brows furrowed as he stared down the hippie across from him. “Neil, she’s a good girl. You’re not as mopey around her and she does an excellent job helping you cook and clean!”  
“Well now I’m really not going to do it if you just want another maid!”  
“That’s not what I said!”

Neil flinched at Mike’s tone. Kailee had taught him how to try and stand up for himself, yes, but Neil was still afraid of making people angry at him. Mike and Vyvyan both seemed to be upset with him, and it made Neil’s hands tremble. Maybe they wanted to watch the hippie get rejected. Maybe it was all a set up and they already asked Kailee if she’d go on a date with Neil and she laughed and then they laughed and it was all some cruel joke.

Neil took a deep breath. “If I were to ask her out on a date, and if she were to say yes, what would we even do?”  
“Picnic in the garden.” Rick said groggily. “S’what my parents did for their first date. Daddy couldn’t afford to take her out to dinner, so Mummy suggested a picnic. They couldn’t go to any parks where they lived, for whatever reason, so Daddy set up a picnic in the garden.” Rick shrugged. “I always thought it was lovely.” “Of course you did, poof.” “Oh shut it Vyvyan! I don’t think your mother had any nice, romantic stories to tell you as a child!”

Another plate to the head and Rick passed out yet again. Neil liked the sound of a picnic though, and the garden was coming in lovely this year, and Mike and Vyvyan wouldn’t be mad at him anymore if he just asked. His heart fluttered at the thought of Kailee agreeing. Maybe she would. Maybe it would be a lovely time. Neil got up and rushed to the phone with a smile. Maybe she’d laugh the way that gave Neil butterflies, and maybe they could discuss the flowers in the garden, and maybe they could go on more dates!

Kailee’s voice rang through the other line and Neil suddenly realized he had no idea what to say, so he just stammered out a weak greeting. Kailee sounded nearly overjoyed as she recognized the hippie’s voice. The two began to chat about their days, Kailee rambling on about some asshole she encountered at work, when Mike came up to Neil with a smirk. 

“You have to ask her.” Mike teased. Neil ignored Mike and continued to listen to Kailee’s ramblings, but the short housemate continued. “She won’t say yes if you don’t ask.” Neil shook his head and motioned for Mike to go away, letting out a quiet “Oh, heavy.” to let Kailee know he was still listening. 

“I got him out of the store eventually, but the bastard just couldn’t take the hint, y’know?”  
“Yeah. Sounds stressful.I-I think I know what’ll cheer you up.” Neil glanced at Mike for approval, secretly glad he didn’t go away. When Mike nodded, Neil continued. “How about a nice picnic in the garden?”  There was a pause before Kailee agreed. “I’m off tomorrow. Have an early lecture, I’ll be ready and over there by one though. If that’s alright.”  Neil nodded and tried to choke back his excitement. “Sounds lovely. Oh, and Kailee? It’s a… well it’s a date. But don’t get dressed too fancy! You know I don’t have any nice clothes.”

“A date?” Kailee asked.   
“Yeah. ”  
“Alright! One tomorrow. Not too dressed up. Got it.” Neil could hear the smile in her tone.  
“Good! I’ll um, see you tomorrow then?”  
"Yes you will. Bye Neil.”  
“Bye.”

Neil hung up the phone and slowly made his way back into the kitchen. “I think she said yes.” He mumbled. This caused a roar of cheers to leave Vyvyan and startling Rick awake. Neil’s face flushed again as Mike clapped him on the back and said “Good job, Neil! What time do you need us out of the house?”  
“One. But we won’t do anything...y’know.”  
“Of course you won’t. But since this is a date and not the usual visit, it’d be rude for the three of us to intrude.”

“So he did it then? And she said yes?” Rick smiled and shouted “And you went with _my_ date idea, didn’t you! You owe me big time if this develops further, Neil!”  
Neil laughed nervously and watched his housemates all celebrate his success. 

The boys didn’t leave until noon, which didn’t give Neil nearly as much time to prepare as he would’ve liked, but he still had everything in the garden ready before the doorbell rang throughout the house. Neil opened the door shyly and damn near had a heart attack at the sight before him. He told her nothing fancy, and she had shown up in a dress anyways. She never wore dresses. Kailee smiled warmly at the feeling-severly-underdressed Neil before her and tried to step into the house. When Neil didn’t budge, Kailee’s face flushed and she attempted to clear her throat. “Neil, you’re blocking the doorway.” She whispered. Neil snapped out of his thoughts and felt his own face heat up while stepping to the side. He mumbled out a shy apology and avoided Kailee’s gaze. 

"I’m still making the food, and Rick said to put the cake in the fridge until after we ate lunch, so, it’ll just be a moment before we can go outside.” 

Kailee nodded and studied the cake on the kitchen counter, picking up on Neil’s nervous energy. She supposed she was nervous as well, but Neil looked far too overwhelmed for her to even attempt to show it. “I could help if you’d like.” Kailee picked up the chocolate cake and was about to take it to the fridge when Neil pulled it out of her hands. “No, no! Mike said I needed to be a gentleman!”  
“Neil, even gentlemen need help sometimes.”  
“Well, not this gentleman.”

Kailee silently cursed Rick’s stubbornness for wearing off on Neil and took a seat at the kitchen table. Fine, if he wanted to be stubborn, then she could be stubborn too. Frustration slowly melted away as Kailee watched Neil put together their food. He had remembered every detail she had once told him of the way she liked her sandwiches: No lunch meat, the cold textures made her mouth feel funny and she thought warm turkey was gross and warm ham was meant for holiday dinners. Smooth peanut butter and grape jelly, because they never had crunchy peanut butter when she was growing up and one time she accidentally ate strawberry jam with strawberry chunks in it and that did not go well. Sandwiches were to be cut down the middle because she hated biting into the edges and getting a mouthful of crust on her first bite. Neil remembered it all. 

Neil placed the sandwiches in an old basket Vyvyan swore he magically found (although Neil and Rick suspected otherwise), as well as the rest of the peanut butter and some green apple slices, a spoon because Kailee was secretly a peanut butter fiend, and a bag of crisps he had to pay Rick for. With the basket under one arm, Neil filled a pitcher with ice water and smiled nervously. 

“Alright,” Kailee mumbled. “At least let me carry the water out. Don’t give me that look you’ve done enough.”

The garden had been cleaned up nicely, Mike forced Rick to do the work while he sat sunbathing before they left. Neil had placed down a sizable quilt that had flowers sewn all over it. Plates and glasses had already been put down with enough room to fit the basket and pitcher between them. Neil sat with his back to the house and as Kailee looked at him she noted that the sunflowers were beginning to get very tall.

Neil began to study Kailee again. She wore an off the shoulder baby pink dress, he was just in his usual sweater-flare combo. He told her not to dress fancy. She looked absolutely gorgeous, but Neil felt unbelievably self conscious. Neil watched as she dug into the basket and brought all of the food out and he felt even more foolish. It wasn’t much, but there wasn’t a lentil in sight. Kailee always worried if she noticed the boys eating too many lentils. But she didn’t say anything on the lack of extravagant food, instead she smiled warmly at Neil and thanked him. 

“Really, this is sweet. You remembered a lot more than I thought you would.”

Really? Neil scowled down at her sandwich. Did he forget something? Maybe it was the crust. Maybe she didn’t like the crust and he forgot. Neil calmed down when Kailee took a bite without grimacing in disgust. The silence seemed to be suffocating Neil, so he simply blurted out “Why the dress?”  
“I wanted to look nice for our first date.” Kailee blushed.  
“You always look nice. Look at me, I’m always dressed the same.”  
“It’s quite charming, Mr. Pye.”

Silence again. Neil hated silence. Reminded him too much of all of the times his parents ignored him. So he spewed out more word vomit and asked “Did the guys put you up to this?” Kailee’s face fell and Neil realized how rude of a question it was.  
“You really think that lowly of me?” Kailee asked, staring hard at the embroidered rose on her side of the quilt. “Neil, I’m here because I want to be. Because I think you’re sweet, and caring, and a beautiful person. I like you, Neil. A lot.”  
“I’m sorry. I...I like you too, I just didn’t think...You’re just so wonderful and I’m--”  
“Equally lovely.”

More silence. Kailee was the one to break it this time by saying “Can we just drop the formality of this being a date and act like we usually do around one another? I think we’ll both relax if we do.” Neil smiled and felt the tension in his body melt away. With a nod of approval from Neil, Kailee began rambling about her day, and Neil listened to every last word.

After that, everything went smoothly. They joked with each other, made fun of each other’s laughs, Kailee even did a Rick impression that made Neil choke on his ice water. Kailee was about to do a Vyvyan impression when a clap of thunder caused both parties to look at the dark clouds quickly rolling their way. Kailee and Neil paused for a moment before scrambling to grab everything and putting it all back into the house. The rain came down harshly just as they were folding up the quilt. Kailee let out a shriek of surprise and giggled while running towards the back door, basket and dishes in hand. Neil and the now soaked quilt weren’t far behind. Kailee put everything on the counter and Neil threw the quilt onto the drawing room floor. When he turned around he noticed Kailee watching the storm from the window. 

Ignoring how her dress clung to her body, Neil forced himself to focus on the way her wet hair framed her face, to note how it looked black from absorbing the rain. Her glasses were covered in water droplets and he honestly had no idea how she could see out of them, but she stared out the window with a giant smile on her face.  
“Good thing I left out jars the other night, I’ll have plenty of rainwater now.” Kailee glanced at Neil, who smiled softly in return. Another clap of thunder shook the house, causing Kailee to jump away from the window.

Neil let out a soft chuckle. “How about we dry off, I’ll put on a pot of tea, and we can watch the storm from the table and wait for the guys to get home?”  
“Only if I get to wear one of your sweatshirts.”  
“Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be updating this as often as I can. I'm also extremely nervous to be sharing all of this here, but I hope you can all enjoy!


End file.
